Tired Bird Ramble

When the bird flew in from outside through the window I was shocked (at first because it was cold out side and the window really should have been closed but I like to sleep cold at night and waking up with the cool wind hitting your checks is pretty nice; but the bird should have migrated by now because it was bright and had a lot of colors and looked awkward against that pale gray sky. But my room matched with the morning with all the earth tones and not too vibrant neutral tones, I like them and am not flashy but the bird was so I thought it should leave my room plus it was screaming or squawking very loudly and I hated the sound and did not need to wake up with an alarm any more because the clock in me was much better.

I went ahead and rolled out of bed with my black pajamas and into my slippers and into my kitchen to get one of those pans my parents had sent me that food doesn’t stick too but if you wash them too much the black lining inside starts to flake off into your food and eventually it will stick and maybe make you sick. I had a whole set of them but She decided to take some when She left because I always let her do most of the cooking. She hated my hallway that ran from the kitchen, like I ran back to my room with the pot, because I like plain bare walls and she was always happy and smiling with pictures and colors and right then I decided she would like the bird and it needed to leave even more now, out into the cold.

I cornered the bird in the corner with the chair She picked out at the dime store that used to be old and molded but She saved it and recovered it and it was the brightest most colorful thing in my room so I kept it in the darkest corner and put all the things She left here in it and it made a good hamper sometimes too. The bird was under the chair but at least quiet now because I figured it wanted to be outside again and had realized it was stick with me as much as I was stuck with it. I learned about birds enough in school to know that the colorful ones were the males because they had to attract the females and make them love them. I threw the pot on the bird and it covered it and the bird moved a little because I was stealthy like She hated when I would sneak up on her and scare her for fun. The pot was scrapping on my bare hardwood floors, one time I had a rug but it got dirty and stained and I tried to beat it out once but all that dust got in my face and made me cough and She laughed at me so I decided just to throw it away and not have anymore rugs and be embarrassed anymore in front of Her.

I decided that to keep the bird in the pot and get it outside I would need some sort of bottom or else the bird would fall out of the pot and it was pretty and in my room so it might hit then floor and just break all over. My room wasn’t for pretty things. But if the bird busted all over my floor I would have to sweep up all the little shard of color and then I got the idea to use the broom in the closet as a bottom for the pot. I scooped up the bird in the pot with the broom and let it fly out from underneath out the window and into the sky which was grayer but that didn’t make sense because the sun was supposed to be rising but in the winter you never can really tell because of how gray the sky is and its even hard when it wants to snow and it did. I closed the window finally and couldn’t see my breath anymore when I sighed.

I thought to turn on the tv so I did and saw a news story about a handsome Asian man would walked in the snow for miles to save his daughters but died trying to get them help. His wife was American I think, he probably was too but he looked Asian and she was European and we always assume the European looking ones are from here first but his wife had bright read hair and I turned off the tv because so did She and the story made me even sadder because I would walk in the snow for Her to save our kids if she loved me enough to have them but she didn’t because I wasn’t colorful enough for Her. I guess it would be funny if I died in the plain white snow under a gray sky to save her then because it would be the opposite of what She loved but I would do it to save Her it is a shame now and then that she left but I cope because somewhere someone would walk in the snow for me and not need a word for every shade or a new color on every wall. I liked my plain colored room and bare hallway and simple kitchen and plain wood floors and light green is a fine color for thick bed sheets and a comforter. I climbed into bed satisfied with Her gone and happy about meeting that new one who didn’t exist yet but had to if there was hope. I fell back to sleep because I knew I had a couple of more hours until work or class or something I was falling asleep and couldn’t tell anymore.)

But that bird was so shocking that morning because it was the first time I thought about Her in a week and I was walking that lonely path to being over it so I decided when the summer came back to buy a bird just like it and let it go to see if it would come back. So far it has stayed gone like She has.