On Spoiling a Crush

flattering fascinations
were never enough
to cover the bluff
of your infatuation,

so

your crystal snow flakes
fall fragrantly to the concrete
of our reality,
shattering into shards
of smell that stab
my memory into submission.

the transmission of peace
is interrupted for another
frenzy; again i am descending.

i blow kisses to god
for protection and mute
the jagged doubts
that self-protection
spins as safety webs
ensuring the quivering
insect of inspection
is not devoured
by the black spider
of the moment;

i am in the moment.

i bluster like an oyster
snapped from its shell,
there is no peace
in this tumult-ocean
and i am waved and
raked across the coral
that circumstance has
scarred into the seabed.

let me sleep and dream
of a softer nightmare;
my attention bleeds
to scab but i am
a ruby river of next,
next,
next.

and you.
you.
you bully your
tank-framed images
into line.

and i am powerless
to retreat, to climb,
or to swim at all.

i wavier and laugh
myself into fits.
again, i am descending.

and i blame you with
the reward of my spasm.